Too Late?
by oltlfantimes10
Summary: This takes place during the October 17th episode, when Evangeline comes to John and tells him that Cristian’s life is in danger. He makes the call to the warden and they are on the roof top talking. Natalie doesn’t make an appearance until much later in t


John's POV

Evangeline came to me tonight while I was sitting on the roof talking with Natalie, about what I honestly don't know. She was going on and on about us. Why did I do this with her? When Evangeline came up and said she needed to talk and it was urgent, I was glad. Who cares what it is really about I'm just glad that she is seeking me out, looking to me for help.

She keeps pacing back and forth on the roof top and all I can do is watch her.  
_"Why hasn't the warden called back?"  
"He says he has his number one guy checking on Cris. There's no way Hesser can get to him."  
She stops at that statement and turns to look at me, "Come on John. You've dealt with men like Hesser before. So have I. We both know that if Carlo wanted to get to Cristian, he's going to find a way. Even from a six by nine cell."_

She looks scared and her voice, her voice is racked with fear and desperation. I jump up and come closer to her, "This really has you freaked out."  
"I can't help it. I don't even know Cristian that well but it's this kind of injustice that made me want to go into law in the first place."  
I lower my head at her comment. This is my fault, if I just would have told someone sooner none of us would be in this position. I would be with her, she with me and Natalie not near either of us. "Yeah you never could turn down anybody in need of help." I say softly.  
"Especially not if they ask for it." 

She stares in my eyes, like I'm the one that needs help. Well I know I do, but I can't admit that too her. I asked her for help before and she didn't help me then what makes me think that she would help me now? Help me fight to get her back, because honestly that's all I want out of life right now, is Natalie away from me and Evangeline back with me.

I take a step forward getting into her space. I can smell the soft aroma of her perfume and I'm taken away. My eyes travel slowly from the top of her head to the tip of her nose, over down her stunning body, those long legs to the very sole of her foot. They travel back up the same way ending at her eyes, "I did ask you for help."  
"When?" she asks tilting her head and taking another step closer to me.  
"The night I came to you're apartment."  
"You were drunk John." She says staring at me, trying to read me.  
"Doesn't mean I didn't need your help, and I still do."  
"You need my help. The great John McBain needs little ole me." She says laughing.  
It's not funny, I do need her help. She's the only one that can save me from all of this. "It's not funny Evangeline." I say seriously.  
"Actually yes it is John. You spent our entire relationship rushing off to save another person while you left me, in your bed in my bed or god knows where else. And now that you are with this so called person you are looking to me to help you?"  
"I know what I did in our relationship was all wrong. I screwed it up. I screwed it up because I wanted it so bad I didn't know how to handle it."  
"I don't understand. You sabotaged our relationship for what reason?"  
"I don't know. All I know is that I messed with the best thing in my life, I took you for granted, us for granted because I was afraid of what might happen in the future."  
"John you can't control what happens to me or you. All you can do is live for the day, make it your own." She reaches out to touch me and stops her hand in mid air.

I hate the fact that she can't touch me or get close to me because I scare her. She's afraid that I will break her heart when she still hasn't recovered from the first thrashing I gave it. "A relationship with you was all I ever wanted. You are all I ever wanted and I ruined it." I turn away from her and fight back the tears in my eyes.  
"Why is it so hard for you John? What are you afraid of? Why are you hiding from me? You ask me to help you, which I'm willing to do by the way, but you can't even put out there what you want me to help you do."  
I can hear the shakiness in her voice. I shouldn't have done this now. She deserves more than me, she deserves more than my crippled, non expressive ass, "You deserve so much more Evangeline." I say with my back to her.  
I feel her hand on my arm and let out the breath that I've held since she walked away from us. She turns me around and I see she has tears in her eyes, "You're right I do deserve much more than you can give me right now!"  
I run my hand through my hair and she has a smile on her face. Why is she smiling at a situation like this? "What does that mean?"  
"It means if you want me to help you, you have to stop playing this game of hide the emotions."

I place my hand on her face and cup her cheek. Running my thumb over her face I know she is right. I'm hiding from her, and the world. I ran to Natalie to hide from her, to hide everything that I feel inside for her. She lets out low sigh as my thumb runs over her lips and she places her hand over mine, "I want you to help me." I say in a low whisper, "I want you to help me get us back together."  
I take a step closer to her and our foreheads touch. I can feel her body shaking under mine and my heart is going so fast, "I want you to help me." I say again. "I need you to help me."

Our lips touch for a brief second before I pull back. I don't want to use her like this. She deserves more than a crippled John. I'm going to get help for me, for her for us. I can't help but kiss her again, once is never enough when it comes to those lips. I run my hands down her back as I pull her closer and I can feel how tense her body is in my arms. She still hasn't relaxed and that scares me. As I part her lips with my tongue and sink it into her mouth I can feel her relax some in my arms. I can feel the tears from her cheeks on mine and I fight the urge to pull away and wipe her tears away. I hate knowing that I caused her to cry like this.

She finally pushes me back, "John please don't!"  
"Don't what?"  
"You're with someone else."  
"I want you."  
"No!" she says.  
"What? I just told you that I needed your help."  
"That doesn't mean that we are going to get back together." She cries shaking her head back and forth.  
I don't understand. I thought if I got better we could get back together. I run my hand through my hair trying to figure out what the hell she is talking about. Screw it I turn and grab her in my arms and kiss her harder. She has to know that I will always want her, why can't I just say that. I feel her body melt in my arms as she gives into me, and the notion that there could be an us again.

"Get your skanky hands off my man!" Natalie yells from behind us.  
I feel Evangeline push away and she looks at me and then turns to look at Natalie, "What the hell are you doing Evangeline?"  
She stutters and stammers and tries to say something. Speak John, tell Natalie it wasn't Evangeline's fault, that you kissed her! Evangeline looks at me for help and sees that I can't open my mouth and the tears start to run down her face. She grabs her briefcase and heads for the door.

Natalie jumps in front of the door to prevent her from leaving, "I asked you a question Evangeline! Why were you kissing John?" she says with a nasty tone.  
Evangeline looks over her shoulder at me for help but I'm speechless. Her kiss has rendered my speechless, I can barely comprehend what is going on in front of me let alone talk.  
"I….I…. John and I…. I'm don't know what happened?"  
"You said you and John were history." She hisses.  
"We were, we are I mean." She's shaking her head back and forth and staring at me.  
"Leave John alone!" she screams.  
Evangeline pushes Natalie aside and throws the door open and runs down the stairs.

Natalie stands in front of the open door glaring at me, "What the hell were you doing!"  
I can't speak. She ran from me, Evangeline is gone again because I couldn't open my damn mouth, "John I'm talking to you! You are with me now, why were you kissing her? You love me not her!" she screams at me.

I look at Natalie in the eyes and can see she is about to start crying. No I don't care. "I…I…." I start to say and then push her out of the way. "Evangeline!" I yell running down the stairs after her, "Evangeline! Wait please…." I scream.

I push the door open to the street in time to see the unimaginable happen. She's lying on the ground her body completely contorted as I look up and see the back of tail lights zooming down the street.

"Oh god no! Please, please…." I run to her and she's lying on the ground struggling to breathe. "Baby, please…" I cry as I cradle her body in my arms, "Evangeline…" I whisper.

She opens her eyes and looks up at me. A small smile appears on her face and she raises her hand to touch my cheek, "Oh god what happened!" I hear Natalie behind me.  
"Call 911." I scream to her. She doesn't move, "Natalie damn it call 911 I can't lose her, like I lost Caitlyn." She still doesn't move.

I slowly lower Evangeline down to the ground and stand to look at Natalie. "Go inside and call 911!" I scream shaking her. Natalie finally looks away from Evangeline and at me. She understands now. She runs inside and I drop to my knees. "Oh God, what have I done."

"John…" she mutters as blood trickles out of her mouth down her face. I come closer to her and hold her body in my arms, "John…" she says again as a tear runs down her cheek.

I hold her in my arms rocking back and forth, willing the ambulance to get to her and save her. They have to save her, I can't lose her again, not like this. "Evangeline hang on, please help is on the way. You can't leave me I won't survive it." I say through my tears.  
They start to cloud my vision and I can feel her hand slipping from my face. "NOOOOOOOOO!" I can feel her leaving me, my heart is breaking again and this time it won't ever be healed.

I look down at her as my tears drip on to her face, she is barely breathing and I manage to say it, "I love you." I whisper as I watch her eyes grow cold and her breathing stop. Now I can't stop saying it, "I love you… I love you…" why did I wait to say it?

I hold her lifeless body in my arms, "EVANGELINE COME BACK!" I scream staring up at the sky, "I LOVE YOU! BABY PLEASE….."

I wake up in a cold sweat, remembering the entire dream from beginning to end. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. It's so loud it drowns out the snoring next to me. I look over at Natalie lying next to me sound asleep. I look back at the clock. It all felt so real. I hope it's a dream. I get out of the bed and grab my cell phone. Dialing Evangeline's phone number I wait for her to answer. It may be three o'clock in the morning but we need to talk. I need to tell her how I feel, and why I'm holding back for her. I pace my apartment willing her to answer the phone but it keeps ringing and ringing…


End file.
